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January 10th, 2006

NYC Picture Show: Awards At The Grocery

by Laura Fay

If you didn’t win one of those Goya soup cans and you thought you couldn’t go on any more as a budding filmmaker, take heart and know that I too was a loser at The Arlene’s Grocery Picture Show Awards Ceremony. That night will go down in my history page as a night to remember. I was up close and personal with the likes of Michael Musto, Nelly McKay, Dolomite, Horshack, Piper Pirabo, Bambi, (my rival mermaid from The Mermaid Parade) and did I forget to mention the great Ben Gazarra, and the inimitable Peter Bogdonavich? I couldn’t believe the star power! So, I didn’t win that night, but I may have gotten a producer for my feature film. As I sat all the way up front near the stage, I wondered if the winners knew they won. Whenever I watch the Oscars, (which isn’t very often) I always want to know if they even know if they won ahead of time.?Ǭ Just watching some of the winner’s antics was worth only being an official entry. There was the fascinating Lola Rock’N Rola who accepted her award, then made out on stage with one of her co-winners of “Tits and Blood”, and proceeded to mosh-pit dive into the crowd which carried her around while the great house band played some of my favorite rock classics, like “Highway To Hell”. I knew with only 35 prize cans to go around my chances were pretty slim, so I sat there with a laize-faire attitude, while my man (as well as my lead guitarist, and his girlfriend) secretly rooted for me. What was I going to say, if I won? How would I not loose my cool? How would I stay poised and speak eloquently during my acceptance speech? Or worse yet, forget to thank all the people involved with my little film short, (which weren’t that many). I decided to let go and let the Goya gods decide my fate. Of course I realized I wore the completely wrong outfit. Ah hell, let’s face it; I would’ve worn a potato sack just to win one of those things. But alas, it was not meant to be. Maybe next year, baby, maybe next year.

The Top 10 Goya Winners
Arlene’s Grocery Award for Best Use of Groceries:
XXX, director: Joe Pacheco and Stavros Stavropoulos

Award for Best Use of an Urban Legend:
You Better Behave, Director: Geoffrey Breny Shrewsbury

Stephen Chow Award for Best Stage Combat:
Overtime, Director: Jeffrey Velasquez

Ron Artest Award for Best Real Combat:
Manchester United by The Giraffes, Director:?Ǭ Joe Renz and The Giraffes

Chris Cunningham Award for Excellence in Editing:
Braintrain, Director:?Ǭ Jimi Pantalon

Merchant and Ivory Award for Literacy in Filmmaking:
Dissertation, Director: Steven Levine

Bob Fosse Award for Outstanding Choreography:
Nihilists, Director:?Ǭ Jamie Shuali

Depends Awards for Showing that Diapers Are for Adults Too:
Marco Diaper, Director:?Ǭ Goldleaf & Big Daddy

FCC Award for Blatant Indecency:
Naked Slumber Party, Director:?Ǭ Touching You

Troma Films Award for Gratuitous Sex and Violence:
Tits ‘n Blood, Director:?Ǭ Lola Rock ‘N Rolla

Editor’s Note: Laura Fay’s film short “The Ballad of Cherry and Starbuckle” plus her two music videos “Been There” and “What’s The Rush, Superstar?” were featured on The Cinemascope Jitney to The Hamptons July 15-17 2005, www.scope-art.com.

Filed Under: Articles | Arts & Leisure | New York

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